I missed you little laptop - you, with your sticky letters and sometimes, well let's be honest, often times of frustration. You are not the zippy little lady you once were, and your keypad gets stuck and I have thoughts of throwing you across my living room every time I power you up, but... I missed you, and if I'm a very good girl, I should get back to writing.
This little online diary has been an amazing thing in my life.
It has served as a virtual scrapbook and has let me ... just ... let it out. More than anything, it has helped me document many of the fun and scary and honest parts of being a new mother that works full time. I got away from writing because I questioned how public I should make my life. I still question if I am being naive by sharing so much, but after a few months of meddling over it, I have decided that this is who I am. I am open. I like to make friends with complete strangers. I could talk to a brick wall. I want to make people smile and this is just another way for me to do that.
It is always interesting to me where these posts take themselves. I start with a blank page, and I get to think through what is relevant to me right now. I type, and away we go... off to another story. Another chapter in my itty bitty life.
So, what's new now?
Jason is in the thick of his summer travel season, which means I get Travis all to myself a bit more these days :) I love the one-on-one time but it is definitely not easy. I believe there is no such thing as balance... balance is a process. It is a strategic method for making choices.
Can I travel to another city and back in time to drop off and pick up my kid from school without getting at $50 late fee and still do a good job at work or do I take him with me?
Can I make a fancy dinner or should I whip out the hamburger helper?
Can I find time to go to the gym or should I workout by doing bench presses and squats with Travis as my 25 pound weight?
Can I unload the groceries before he wakes up in the car seat or do I just grab the cold stuff and get the rest later?
Can I shower this morning or would I rather hit snooze until 5:45am?
For me, it's all about choices.
Our life as a duo vs. a trio is a bit more go-go-go:
I get up at 5:30 to get ready before he wakes up at 6:30, get him dressed, read a book or two, scramble some eggs (thank heavens for those chickens), try to get him to eat yogurt, watch him melt down as he cries for "milk, milk, milk... apple juice! no... milk, apple juice!"
... get him off to school and back to the office early enough to get my work day going. I pick him up at night, try to make dinner early enough that he doesn't completely fall asleep or work him self into a tizzy before I feed him, off to the bath, read a book, read another book, okay... one more book, share some snuggles and prayers, and he's out by 8.
From 5:30-6:30am and from 8-11pm, I have time to myself.
Tonight I watched the So You Think You Can Dance episode that was on my DVR - geez those people are talented. And I did laundry, and a load of dishes and ate an entire roll of Thin Mints instead of eating dinner. I know you're extremely jealous of my oh-so-fancy life. ;)
I can say as a new-ish mom, there are a lot of things I miss from my pre-baby days; fancy dinners, happy hours with friends, finding time to workout or run or bike, cooking extravagant meals, late nights with the neighbors... but there has never been anything in my life more worth it then being a mom. Kids have a way of filling up your heart more than you ever thought was possible. He runs around in a little diaper and socks and I think, "how did I get so lucky? he is so darn cute"... and he sees me and toddle runs to give me a big squeezie hug - you know the one - the full on leg wrapping, tiny fingers poking into your back, head on shoulder heaven... then 3 seconds later he pinches the dickens out of my arm fat and I struggle not to strangle him... it is amazing how entertaining my life actually is now. I can't stop smiling.
I thank God that I have been blessed with an amazing husband and a career I love and that our family is so helpful and central to our lives. T and I went to San Antonio yesterday and my sister-in-law, grandmother-in-law and mother-in-law all played and loved on him while I was at work. He was so happy, which was amazing because it made our 19 hour day so much fun.
Am I tired? yes, all the time.
Is it worth it? you better believe it.
I find comfort that I'm not the only person in the world that has done this and by-golly, I CAN. And I choose to enjoy all the crazy that is an almost 18 month old.
Ask me how I'm doing in 6 months when the terrible 2's are in full force. I'm off to bed now. Missed you all - I'll try to be better about getting back into the swing of the FE&L bloggo-world.
xoxo, CB
