We are getting so close!
I'm 33 weeks today (oh my!) and am feeling good this morning. If I'd written this yesterday, you would have heard a very different story. For some reason, 32 weeks was a huge turning point in the overall discomfort of the pregnancy. I can handle incremental change, a little bit achy-er here, a little bit sore-er there, but at 32 the weight of these kids (I guess) has started to put an unnatural amount of pressure on my hips and back and boy oh boy. I just hurt most of the time.
Walking is so challenging. I have a newfound respect for people that are overweight - It is SO HARD to get up and do anything that I often just try to consolidate as many steps as I can in an effort not to have to feel my achy body move. But today is better and I'm taking that with a very welcomed attitude improvement :) I even made myself some sunny-side up eggs this morning! I've been avoiding the kitchen like the plague because the idea of being on my feet cooking is just too much.
Thank Heavens for Jason. He is basically the sole caregiver to Travis, meal maker, food shopper, dog feeder, clothing washer and house cleaner these days. He gets up at 5:30 in the morning and doesn't get home from work until 6 or 6:30, and he makes dinner, does bathtime, puts jammies on and reads books then sits in his chair and talks to me until we both just can't stay up any longer... which is usually about 10:30-11pm. He is an amazing man and I am so grateful for all that he does and for who he is. I am proud that our boys have a role model like him. I wish I could be more like him.
Remember when I told you there was no way I would be able to go part-time at work and not be so bored? I was wrong. It has been the biggest blessing and I now question what kind of state I would have been in if I was still working full time - I probably would have 2 kids more kids now... I need the rest - it is amazing how much better I feel if I can get my feet up and rest mid-day.
Apparently the resting is verifiably helping keep these kids cooking.
How do I know? I went to the doctor on Tuesday and she said (without all the gory details) that physically, I am in better shape now than I was 2 weeks ago. That's pretty great!
What else?
Stats:
My belly is measuring at 40 weeks!
I weigh 162 pounds
The babies heart rates are awesome and they each have a placenta pocket of 5+ (which is ideal for twins)
We did a gamut of tests this week - twin monitoring is cool... they hook both babies up to this heart rate machine and watch their progress. It is the most amazing sound, being able to hear their little hearts beat and even more amazing when you get to see them on the sonogram screen. They ran some tests to see if I was contracting because I've been having a lot of cramping discomfort too - but I'm not contracting, and I'm not dilated so that is VERY GOOD NEWS!
For some reason, with this pregnancy, I have been scared a lot. I think that seeing my friends suffer from so many different kinds of tragedies has made me more aware of the things that can go wrong during a pregnancy and during labor and I have been much more on edge. With Travis, it was ignorant bliss. With these two, I just worry.
I was worried if I was going to lose one baby for such a long time. That's a big reason why we didn't tell most people until pretty far into the pregnancy. It is very common for one twin not to make it and I just, oh, I just didn't want to jinx it. That's silly, I know - but true.
I was worried that someone would be missing a toe, or have a cleft lip or have 3 chambers in their heart.
I was worried every time that I went to the doctor that they wouldn't be able to find both heart beats. I literally would hold my breath until they found both. And then the relief only lasted a little while and I was back to worrying.
I was worried that one twin would overtake the other - though very unlikely because these babies are di-di, but still, it worried me. What if one didn't develop and the other did? What would we do?
I was worried all the time and now that we have made it this far, I'm not as worried. I pray that they make it here safely but we have hit some pretty big milestones and I just need to have some faith that everything is going to be alright.
These small people will be here in 4 weeks. OH MY GOODNESS. All these worries, and aches and pains are short term and in a couple weeks we'll be on to new challenges and a whole new chapter in our lives.
So, my worries now are much more fundamental:
Where are we going to live?
If we move, what would my job look like?
If we move, can Jason stay with his company?
How am I going to be able to travel when it's just Jason looking after 2 infants and a 2 year old?
How is Jason going to be able to travel when it's just me here and we both are working?
How will I be able to feed 2 babies at same time and keep up with Travis?
If we stay, what is our childcare situation going to look like?
Is a nanny the right choice?
Would we be able to get to San Antonio and be near our family where we know we have more support?
How do we pay for college for 3 kids?
Wait, how do we pay for childcare for 3 kids!?
Do we need to increase our life insurance?
Do we need to change our wills?
Do we need to revamp our investment portfolios?
How much could we afford in a new house?
Should we rent?
Should we buy?
There are so many questions I don't have answers to. They will all come in due time.
I'm not a woman that would do well as a stay-at-home mommy. I love my kid, don't get me wrong and I know I will love these boys with all my heart, but I THRIVE off of work. It's part of my DNA. I like being challenged, and I love the hustle and bustle of a busy season. I love my company and I love working in the wine industry - so for all of you that are thinking, "why not be a stay at home mom?" all I can say, is that it is just not for me. I need balance and for me, I would not be as happy without my work. I love what I do. I love what our company stands for, and I love the people I work with. It is something I need. I'm sure that sounds weird, since most people dread working, but I'm not one of those people.
I love my work.
I love my family.
I want both.
Okay, gotta get busy. The day is awaiting and my coffee is almost cold.
Love you all, CB.